My stomach is fed. The dishes are done and I’m ready to get back into painting. It feels like a scene underwater, below the waterline of a ship.

In Jackson Pollock’s biography by Deborah Solomon, a classmate said this of Jackson: he is “an immature person with fancy ideas but no discipline.” Pollock felt “frightened and bored” by people. “To Jackson, his father was more vivid as an absence than as a presence, leaving him with a fierce need to find someone or something he could believe in completely.”

“Jackson’s teacher, Schwankovsky, was a friend and follower of the noted Hindu philosopher, Jeddu Krishnamurti, who in 1928, founded a camp in the Ojai Valley. After hearing the ‘world teacher’ Pollock experienced an epiphany. It is not difficult to understand Pollock’s identification with Krishnamurti, a gentle, sensitive heretic, who according to his writings, had been unhappy in his youth and determined to find a goal, any goal, to which he could devote himself completely. His teachings confirmed a precept that Pollock believed: the moment you follow someone else, you cease to be your own leader.”

“Creativity can solve anything.” George Lois in the film “Art & Copy.”

The right side of my face has been feeling weird lately. There’s been an uncomfortable pressing sensation in my bones. What am I trying to overcome? Painting helps me get rid of things that don’t belong. I can’t change what happened but I can change my beliefs. If something happened when I was young, it may have embedded a belief in me. Once I know what that belief is, I can turn it around.

Sunday 6/6/10
9:30 am
My stomach is still not feeling well. A friend once told me that grappa is used to setting your stomach after eating too much. So, I took a couple of drips of Tony’s grappa (Tony is my ninety-two year old godfather who makes his own 140 proof grappa). I want to see if this makes me feel better. In just five minutes, the grappa settled my stomach.

10:30 am
No entry. Just painted.

Friday 6/4/10
4:30 pm
In the same way the physical body is connected to our emotional body, writing is connected to painting and if you can write you can also paint. The type of painting I’m referring to is expressive painting, where you let your brush become an outlet for your emotions. Writing in a journal, pouring out your feelings with a pen is one great way to let go of things. And many avenues of the arts are known to be therapeutic. But when you vacillate between painting and writing, you connect to the deep inner space that has all the answers you ask. It’s a remarkable thing.

6:30 pm
Watching “There’s Something About Mary.” I never saw the whole movie but caught the dog attack several times while channel surfing. It still makes me laugh out loud watching Ben Stiller wrestle with the dog.

Saturday 6/5/10
8:30 am
Working on the details to One. I want to add some of that yellow pearl, no, the super pearl gold and Basic gold. I have tried many other brands in the gold and Basic is still my favorite.

Good and evil are on the fast track toward a collision. And you know who wins. Even though evil tries, in the end pure power remains. It’s happened many times before.

What really happened when the white man stepped foot on this continent?

A German man with dark hair and olive skin lives in my apartment building. It’s funny how I thought of Germans as being light. We think of the Irish as light, too. Yet, the Italians are thought of as dark. When anyone finds out I am 100% Italian, they are surprised because I have light eyes and skin.

4:30 pm
My stomach is not doing well. I took two capfuls of Pepto Bismol and now I’m eating a piece of toast. I’m ready to work on my painting.

2:30 pm
What have I been doing in the last four hours? Talked to London, painted, shook out the carpets, went for a walk, saw Mary (an old boss) and her daughter Rachel, ate left over roast beef sandwich from Pavilons, painted, read “Catcher in the Rye,” went back to Trader Joe’s for cilantro and limes, opened up all my windows because it was stuffy, now I’m writing in my journal listening to squealing, talking and cars driving by.

Symbols have been showing up in my paintings. While I was working on this painting, this symbol came to mind. I have no idea what it means.

I used the green base titled, “Money 2008” and added Payne’s gray, super pearl gold, and super pearl white, aka by me as wedding dress white. Started watching Bones, then it got gruesome, so Delerium is playing in the background instead. Didn’t write much about this.

My painting is in beet juice red, grass green, and metallic wedding white. After the first layer was dry, I thought to add light yellow. As I’m blending the contrasting colors, that stirring in the core of my stomach starts vibrating. My tingling stomach means something good is happening, that the colors I am using and just that I am painting is doing me a lot of good. Something is lifting out of me that doesn’t belong.

When I started this painting, I was just pushing the paint around and this image appeared of a woman and child. It represents Arlene, the mom of my lifelong childhood friend, who I refer to as my second mom. She was my guardian angel while growing up on Helenbrook. She took me under her wing, treated me as part of the family and gave me a safe haven. I am grateful for her.