Blue green blurbs and swirls of positive vibrations cover the first layer of my painting while I repeat a mantra to infuse uplifting energy into my work. This painting started with faltering feelings of drowning in self-doubt, questioning my words. I am supposed to be positive to attract what I desire but the boxing match between my 300 lb. bodybuilder negative thoughts and my light as air positive ones continue. The positive stands up, ready to make a move, and bam, a punch knocks the air out of me. How can I continue? How can I do this alone?
We are never alone. The collective wisdom speaks: “… Rest in us, we are always with you. Be together with us… We want to lift you up and we will when the time is right. Keep on painting…. Inhale all that you are experiencing now. You strive and strain to be on top when you need to be inside. We want you to take your time, be inside, be content with your art…”
The negative cried out again, “This is crap and it’s not good enough…” But slowly that part of me fell down, down, down a swirling tunnel as she kept voicing her complaints and bashing my art. She fell further and further away until I could not hear her anymore. She was gone, swallowed up by the hole of the Spirit. Then the little girl, who was battered, bloody, and eye sockets bled, stepped forward. I could barely look at her but she was a part of me. She was the one who left. A warm, wet wash cloth appeared in my adult hand as I softly wiped her face, scared but confident as I cleaned out the eye sockets. I replaced them and continued to clean her. Soon enough, she walked out of the deathly skin and began to shine. She was cleaned, smiling, bright and happy. New clothes, pretty hair, brand new shoes, she was whole again. All blessed and loved by me. She is with me now. She is with me always. She is my wisdom and she holds the deep well that will be filled with love, the true, sanctified, solid, unyielding love… My wisdom will carry this unfettered, unwavering love. She carries it for me wherever we go.
I bring good vibrations into my soul and psyche.